Attitude matters. How we treat those with long-term illness shapes their journey. Caregiver lesson; we must remember our words have power.

During a doctor visit gone bad, I was reminded of the lesson that attitudes matter.

A good attitude can build you up and a negative attitude can knock you down.

When already dealing with cancer, Dan benefits from kindness, caring, and compassion; from me as a caregiver and from others in his orbit.

I can learn this from those doing it well but I am also reminded of it when interactions are difficult.

Overwhelmed by life, I can turn away from helping others. Caregiver lesson; I have learned not to judge myself too harshly in those moments.

A Help to Others- To Be or Not to Be

As a caregiver, I often have the opportunity to help others dealing with illness.

At times, I jump in and help them even though I am already busy. This makes me feel useful and fulfilled.

At other times, I turn away from the chance to get involved because adding one more struggle to my life is too much.

I have learned not to judge myself harshly in those moments and to avoid judging others for the way they react to those who are struggling.

 

Asking for help is never easy. Caregiver lesson; the caregiver is often the one who needs help. I can be more clear when the ask is for ME.

In my role as a caregiver, there are times when I need to request help from others.

As the person with cancer, Dan often feels that a request for help is because he is weak and unable to complete a task.

When we were moving pieces of trees that had been cut down, he refused to have me ask someone for help because he was able to cut the tree into sections himself. What he didn’t think about, was that moving the section of the tree out of the woods (my job) was difficult for me.

I was wanting to ask for help for ME, not for him. This is a time when clear communication could override feelings of weakness and the desire to overcome physical challenges.

 

 

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NOTE: I (Dan) help Nancy with the editing and such with her caregiver journals. As I listened to this one I was reminded of something I wrote about our woodpile.

Where Nancy was looking for help...I was focused on filling the wood rack. All a matter of perspective. Kind of crazy how we can walk a journey so closely with someone and have a very different perspective.

There is a lesson in there somewhere…

Cancer often means we need to stay near home. I feel grounded. Caregiver lesson; helping others understand that reality can be challenging.

A result of cancer and chemotherapy is often the need to stay home- near medication, beds, and bathrooms. At times it can feel like we are grounded, unable to leave home and socialize with our friends. It can be challenging to help friends and family understand that the grounding is necessary as we deal with illness. We are not hiding at home to stay away from others. We are hiding at home to keep Dan safe, allow him to rest, and provide what he needs when he is sick.

 

 

 

I can deal with a big crisis, a shortage of tater tots can make me cry. Caregiver lesson; “small things” often evoke our strongest feelings.

As Dan restarted chemo because of new cancer growth, I stepped up as a caregiver to make his adjustment as easy as possible. I was strong, helpful, and compassionate. When I went to the store to fulfill his chemo craving, tater tots- all my resolve left when I saw the empty tater tot shelf. The store was out of tater tots. There was no other store nearby. I just wanted to cry. As a caregiver, it is often the “little” emergencies that make me feel inadequate.

 

 

 

 

As a couple dealing with long-term illness, I learned roles may change. This caregiver lesson was made real as I drove during our vacation.

As a couple going through a long-term illness together, I have learned that longstanding roles in our partnership may change. For 32 years, Dan did all the driving. During our latest vacation, Dan asked me to do the driving. As a caregiver, my first reaction was to wonder what was wrong. I learned to appreciate the past, not overreact to the present and keep on driving. Dan learned that sometimes in life, you just can’t win.

 

Nancy’s caregiver journal falls into the whimsical and fun category today.

I (Dan) am starting my fifth round of chemotherapy today. In the midst of preparing for chemo Nancy and I lost track of how many videos we had “in the bank” for future episodes. Late Sunday night we realized there was nothing set to drop on Monday.

When we started this venture I (Dan) did some research on how to make YouTube work. Okay…I watched way too many YouTube videos.

I stumbled across Post 10. His videos have thousands of views. One has 528,376 views since April 26, 2022. He goes around unclogging culverts and storm drains.

When Nancy asked what we could do to increase her views I told her to start letting me film her unclogging storm drains! Here you go….

 

 

In case you want to see Post 10. But I warn you…it is a rabbit hole.