ASSISTANCE

Today was an unusual day.

I did not feel great all day.  I spent some time in the office.  Very productive time, but felt as if I was under some kind of a cloud all the time.  I was moving slow and my joints all hurt as I moved.

At 11am Rayann and I went and picked up food for the JAM Daycare celebration lunch.  The staff has done a great job these past months and we recently moved to STAR 3 in the Keystone Stars program.  It was fun to take time to celebrate all their hard work.

In the afternoon I went home to take a nap.  Rayann and Nancy went off to the DMV so Rayann could take her drivers test.  A few hours later I got a phone call that started, “hey Dad, you are talking to a licensed driver!”  She passed on her first try and nailed the parallel parking piece.  I guess the small bump on my truck as she was practicing was worth her passing.  🙂

After my nap I enjoyed the FBC softball game.  It was a great game.  Our team was on it tonight and I had fun talking with those gathered to watch.

Following the game I thought I would take a quick trip to Lowes to pick up a few bags of topsoil and mulch for a small piece of our front yard.  Nancy loves gardening and her flowers.  Spending time in the garden is a kind of therapy for her and it helps relieve stress.  We had great landscaping plans for our new home but we have put them on hold until I am feeling better.  Finishing this small piece will give Nancy a place to plant some flowers and spend time in the garden when she needs a break from life.  I managed to load the bags of soil and mulch onto a cart and wheel them to the front for checkout.  As I made my way to the front of the store it was clear I did not have the strength I used to.

As I was checking out I asked the girl behind the register, “Do you think there is anyone who can help me load this in my truck?”  I can’t imagine what she was thinking.  Here is this 6’5″, 245 lb guy asking for help loading a few bags of soil and mulch.  She was quick to call for help and before I could pull my truck up to the front of the store there was a guy there to help.  I stood by the side of the truck and watched as this young high school aged boy loaded my truck.  It must have been a strange sight for people walking out the door.  Here is this big guy standing by the truck watching the small guy struggle to load the truck.  A few minutes in I laughed and thanked him for his help.  I explained it must seem odd to him that I am having him do the work and then told him about my cancer.  He said he was sorry and that it was not a problem, it was his job.

Driving home it was depressing.  If you had asked me a month ago if I would have needed help loading topsoil and mulch at Lowes I would have laughed.  I am growing accustomed to, although not accepting of, these new limitations.  Earlier this week I went in to the doctors to get some fluids and I had a new nurse.  She greeted me with, “well here you are to get fluids…you guys are all the same, you try to do everything you used to do while on chemo…you have to learn to take it easy.”  I protested, “We have never met, how do you know what I am doing?”  She responded, “You guys are all the same”  There may have been a little truth to what she was saying, but I have been trying to be good.

I got home and Nancy helped me unload and spread the dirt.  Now she can plant her flowers.  When we were finished I stood and looked at it for a few minutes.  It looked good.  We will spread the mulch once the flowers are planted.  It gives me hope that one day we will get to where we want to be.  I may not be able to do what I used to but I can still get some things done…I just need a little help to make it happen.