Archives for July 2016

Familiar

July 31, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

lords-prayer-300x232 Sometimes we become so familiar with someone we begin to take them for granted…we lose sight of how special they truly are. Then something happens and our eyes are opened, we see anew and afresh the truth of what is before us and we appreciate them in new and deep ways.

I think the same thing can happen in our spiritual lives. We have routines, we take things for granted and they lose some of the power and uniqueness within them. Every weekend millions of people around the globe gather for worship and recite The Lord’s Prayer. For many it is a deeply meaningful and important moment in worship. For some it becomes routine and we lose sight of what we are truly praying and the depth of what we are calling upon God to accomplish in our midst. [Read more…]

LIFE, DEATH & REAL LIVING

July 30, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

canstockphoto10666324 So this may be a little deep for a Saturday afternoon. I own that. I won’t apologize for it…but I will own it. I have been wrestling with some thoughts the past few weeks that have really had me thinking. Thinking about life and how we go about living it. Often when a preacher preaches people in the pews (or web), can feel as if they are being preached AT. Please know that as I write I am speaking to myself, trying to put together the reality of my life experience and maybe, just maybe there are truths that apply to others.

I have come to believe that in order to live, to truly live, to live the life that Jesus describes as “life to the full” two things are essential. First and foremost we must make peace with God, with the spiritual side of who we are. There is no denying the reality that deep within all humanity there is a piece of who we are which is seeking to know, understand and be understood by something, someone greater than we are. Creator and creation learning to live in relationship with each other as we journey through life. Deep calling to deep in the stillness of the night as we ask, “Is this all there is or is there something more to life?”

It was a Saturday afternoon. There were about forty college students gathered in a large room as we worked together preparing for Spring Break Service Projects. The leaders had many of those group activities planned which make my skin crawl…the kind which as soon as they start I feel as if I need to use the restroom or take an emergency phone call. I behaved this time. We all stood in the center of the room and the leader would give us two choices, and we would have to go to the side of the room which represented us. Liberal, Conservative. Favorite color is Blue or Green. We had to make a choice…no middle ground. It started off goofy and then got serious. “I am Religious, I am not Religious.” The vast majority of the people stood on the “not Religious” side. A few more goofy choices to make and then, “I am Spiritual, I am not Spiritual.” The entire room stood on the “I am Spiritual” side.

There was no denying the reality that this group who rejected the label of “Religious” recognized the reality that deep within they were Spiritual beings. I heard little of what went on the rest of the day. Believing we are spiritual beings the challenge then becomes, “how do we help people encounter God in the midst of their everyday lives!” I have watched and listened much from that day years ago. I believe that most people can and will agree that there is a spiritual side to their humanity. One of the keys to living, to truly living, is learning how to listen to the still small voice of the Spirit as He seeks to speak to the spiritual core of who we are. [Read more…]

124 to 3.9!

July 29, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 8 Comments

Today I had my normal oncologist appointment.

I have been tired the past two weeks. I did not “bounce back” like I have in the past once my chemo pump was removed. The theme of this round has been naps and moving at a slower pace.

On a positive note I did get to the gym twice. I do not do a lot. My max weight is certainly a lot less than what it once was…but it is good to exercise. At one point I was working with my trainer and she said, “ok, let’s go to the leg machine”…she was off, heading to the machine and I shuffled behind. As she got further ahead, leaving me in the distance I started to laugh out loud. I am sure it seemed odd to all those who were working hard on their exercise bikes but it was funny to me that I could not even keep up with my trainer as we walked across the room.

As I met with my oncologist we talked numbers again. At the start of this journey my CARCINOEMBRYONIC ANTIGEN (CEA) blood work results were at 124. In June the number had dropped to 37.4. My most recent test numbers came in at 3.9! “The CEA test measures the amount of this protein that may appear in the blood of some people who have certain kinds of cancers, especially cancer of the large intestine (colon and rectal cancer).” What does this mean? Well my oncologist put it this way, “this is the best result we could have hoped for.” Then he smiled. [Read more…]

CHEMO ROUND 6

July 24, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

canstockphoto3819905 Monday was Chemo Round 6. It is hard to believe that this journey began twelve weeks ago…time is moving quickly. I have handled the chemo very well so far and am grateful for that. I have been able to do much of what I want and have learned how to pace myself and pay attention to my body in new and different ways. In an odd kind of way chemo has been a nuisance which I have learned to live with.

When I go in on Mondays I get about three hours worth of different chemo drugs. My oncologist has changed some of the way I receive the drugs and it has limited and in some cases eliminated the side effects I struggled with the first few rounds. At the end of my treatment they set me up with a pump that continues to give me chemo for thirty six to forty eight hours. I carry the pump everywhere I go and it continually runs giving me the additional treatments. A nurse comes to my home on Wednesday and “sets me free” from the pump and gets me all set for a week and a half chemo free. In past chemo rounds I have felt a burst of energy as soon as the pump comes off and I have felt better each and every day after that. It was almost like there was nothing wrong once they took the pump off and I slowly regained strength and energy each day. [Read more…]

RECONCILIATION COSTS

July 19, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Rembrandt’s “Return of the Prodigal” showing his interpretation of the Father’s reconciliation with his son.

It is no secret that many of the relationships in our world today are in desperate need of reconciliation. We have all heard the saying, “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” If reconciliation is to occur there will be a cost…someone will have to pay to make it a reality. Reconciliation costs, but what will it cost, and are we willing to pay?

I have found myself thinking about such things for the past week. A friend of mine was writing about the current turmoil in our world and he used the phrase, “the cost of reconciliation” and God seared that phrase in my mind. I found myself thinking, wrestling with it while I was sitting still, driving to an appointment, or working around the house. It captured my soul and would not let me go.

What is the cost of Reconciliation?

First, in order for Reconciliation to be necessary a wrong has been committed and a relationship has been damaged or severed. We all have experienced this at some point in our lives. Words are spoken, actions taken and suddenly a relationship that was once healthy and life giving lies damaged in desperate need of repair. Too often the parties begin to dig in, hold to their opinions or version of events and what might have been a minor issue becomes a major divide. When we are hurting in the midst of situations like this it is not unusual for us to respond in two ways…

We shut down, close off and refuse to talk about the issue with anyone…especially the other party. Reconciliation is impossible because communication is blocked.

Sometimes we are open to reconciliation, but we demand the other party take the first step. We sit in our home, cubicle, classroom (you name it) and boldly declare, “I will reconcile when they come to me and apologize”.

We have all been there. Unfortunately the reality of damaged relationships is part of our human experience. [Read more…]

HAPPY 48TH

July 18, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Chemo treatment on my 48th birthday

Today is the day I turn 48 years old! Happy 48th birthday to me. I am sitting at the Abramson Cancer Center as I get my sixth round of Chemotherapy. I am sitting here listening to the rhythm of the pump as it pushes the first part of my treatment into my body. If you had asked me last year, even six months ago, if this is how I would be celebrating my 48th…well this was nowhere on my radar. It is a surreal feeling. This is my sixth treatment and once completed I will be halfway through my first round of treatment. The plan is to complete twelve rounds of Chemo and then make plans based upon how I am responding to the treatment. If all goes well, and it is so far, I should reach twelve rounds by October. There is a chance I could be Chemo free for Thanksgiving and Christmas…you have no idea how much that possibility excites me.

[Read more…]

SHADOWS

July 17, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

1463052596_0.13600600_1463052596__thumb The final days of last week have been difficult days emotionally. I am not sure why. There is no new news, no reason to begin thinking anything but positive thoughts about my treatment, yet I find myself in a dark place.

I am out in public and see couples who are in their golden years and my heart aches because I am no longer confident I will get to experience that with Nancy.

When Joseph was visiting we had a great time together. I enjoyed the opportunity to spend a week with him and hear of his life and how he is moving forward toward all his dreams and goals. He was a great help around the house. We took care of a number of projects together. I found myself looking at projects that were important and needed to be taken care of so that if Nancy ended up living in our home alone, life would be easier. The kind of things that were less fun and glamorous yet would eliminate problems down the road.

I went out to dinner the other night. In the booth across the way there were grandparents with their grandchildren. It was loud, it was rowdy…it was fun. It brought a smile to my face. I could not help but wonder if I would ever have the opportunity to take my grandkids to dinner. Would I have an opportunity to love on them, to spoil them to speak words of hope and life into their young lives? (I am in no rush for grandkids…just a note for Joe and Rayann) [Read more…]