Archives for December 2017

HABITS SHAPE REALITY

December 30, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

As we near the close of 2017 and the dawn of a new year I thought I would share something I have re-learned the past few weeks. Habits have a way of shaping us even as we try to shape our habits.

During my twenty months of chemo treatments I struggled to remain focused and energized. I became a strong believer in the importance of naps and learned to pace myself in new ways. Pre-chemo Dan loved to use the time after dinner to read and study. It was my time to catch up on what was important to me. During my chemo treatments I found it very difficult to read. I could not remain focused and would need to read whole sections a couple of times to figure out what an author was saying. At the end of the day I was often exhausted and if I could stay awake in my chair that was a victory. It was not unusual for me to sit down in front of the television and “relax” the night away. Honestly, it was about all I could muster during my treatments.

When we decided to take a break from chemo my focus slowly returned and the effects of “chemo brain” gradually lessened. What did not change was my habit of going to sit in my recliner and watching television for much of the night. I had become comfortable, dare I say addicted. My habit was slowly becoming my reality. Each night I would think, “you should go to your study and read.” Each night I would come up with a reason to stay put and watch the night slowly pass me by.

Habits have a way of slowly morphing into something that defines us. This happens when we intentionally start a new good habit in an effort to transform some aspect of our life. It happens subtly and often goes undetected when a bad habit becomes something that shapes and defines our personality or lifestyle. [Read more…]

looking backwards

December 27, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

I have been on a somewhat unusual journey for the past few days. It started when I began to transform my blog into a book. At first it seemed like a pretty straight forward project. Take the posts from one format and put them into another. Ultimately that is still the reality of what I have been doing. What I was not prepared for was how the process would affect me.

Remembering the journey

I spent time laughing as I remembered the day Rayann drove me to my chemotherapy treatment and took me to Owen’s vet instead of my oncologist.

I felt pain as I remembered what it was like to sit on our front porch with no energy, no sense of a future and wonder what tomorrow would hold.

I was thankful for Nancy and the way she walked with me the past twenty months. Her grace in the midst of difficulty and pain has been amazing. I am humbled by the reality that she chooses to continue to journey with me.

As I read there were moments of amazement as it was abundantly clear that God was using cancer to help me grow and mature as a person and a spiritual being. Part of our vision statement at First Baptist includes the words, “Empowering people to grow into mature followers of Jesus.” There is no doubt I did some maturing and growing over the past year and a half. (there is still a lot to do) God allowed me to see things with a clarity that I would never have seen without fighting cancer. I came to walk with a sense of peace and confidence that affected every piece and part of my life.

In my July 2, 2016 post I talked for the first time about the needs of the caregiver. I spoke about how it is often hard for the caregiver to take care of themselves. Growing out of those early thoughts we now have a Caregivers Support Group that meets at First Baptist. It is a young ministry but it is a good ministry. The group that meets there on the 2^nd and 4^th Tuesday of each month know that they are not alone and that people care for them…the caregivers.

Rollercoaster

Reading through the journey of the past twenty months it is clear we were on one giant rollercoaster ride. On August 18, 2016 I wrote,

People ask me, “When will your treatments end?” The short answer is, “they will not.” The longer, more complete and honest, answer is: “My treatments will continue to keep my Cancer at bay until someone finds a cure for the type of Cancer I have or the treatments are no longer effective and I experience the fullness of what Jesus talks about as ‘Life to the Full’”.

The truth is that is what my oncologist was telling me at that time and it was what I believed to be true about life. Since then I have received an awesome gift! January 9, 2017 was my last chemotherapy treatment. It was decided for me on January 20, 2017 that my body was tired and it was time for a break. This break has lasted almost a whole year! It could last even longer. January 3, 2018 I have labs, followed by a CT scan on the 5^th and then my follow up appointment with Dr. Saroha on the 12^th.

My prayer is that the rollercoaster will continue its upward climb.

This has been a good project for me. It is far from complete yet it is reminding me of lessons learned over the past twenty months. One of the biggest fears I expressed during this journey was that I would lose some of the lessons and insight as things got better for me. I have seen it way too often in the lives of others. In the midst of a crisis we tend to learn truths, make commitments that fade away as life returns to “normal”. Reading through this journal has helped me commit to retaining lessons learned and continuing to move forward.

God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good (btw: this first showed up in my posts on May, 5, 2016)

A Novel

December 22, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Christmas is an exciting time of the year. One of my favorite things is catching up with friends from “past lives” as cards and letters drift in. This is a totally unfair pleasure on my part as our family is horrible in this department. I would blame my mother but she was a good letter writer and insisted we write to people on a regular basis. I digress.

A few weeks ago we received a card from my first spiritual director. Scott helped me wrestle with issues of faith and over the years our paths have crossed a number of times. I had the pleasure of being in a small group he facilitated. Our conversations were always rich and I walked away a better person from time spent with him. It was good to hear from him. I sat down and mustered up my letter writing skills and sent off a quick note. A few days later my phone “dinged” and there was an email from Scott. In the email he talked of my blog and then wrote these words, “Have you given thought to publishing your “stuff”? even just as a self publisher for family posterity?”

The truth is I had thought about it. There had been fleeting thoughts but nothing that amounted to anything. His “nudge” was enough to get me looking at it. I spent my spare time over the last week moving posts from my blog into a word document. Turns out there were 88 posts written from May 2016 till today about my journey. Thanks to the word count feature in Microsoft Word I can tell you that amounts to 85,247 words. To be fair, I can not take credit for all those words, Nancy did put together some amazing posts.

As I moved posts from one platform to another I spent time re-living the experience so far. I have some thoughts but need to think about them some more before I share. One thing is abundantly clear, God’s faithfulness rings out though the entire thing. I was allowed to see just enough for each day. In moments of darkness there was just enough light to help me put one foot in front of the other. God’s mercy was shown me. Yes, in my return to health, but even more in the way I was met in times of darkness and struggle.

I pray I never forget God’s faithfulness. It was not an easy way to learn that lesson but a lesson well worth learning.

Thank you for traveling the journey with me.

God is Good All the Time….All the Time God is Good!

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

December 19, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

“Why are you here?”

Nancy and I were waiting in the oncologist’s room. Talking about anything but why we were there. My last few reports had been good but there is always this sense of fear each time we head back to meet with the doctor.

We heard the familiar knock on the door and then he entered. There were no words of greeting or welcome. The first words out of his mouth as he entered the room, “Why are you here?”

All the reports look good. Numbers are fantastic. “I do not need to see you for three months.” It is safe to relax and breathe again. Make a few plans, schedule a few appointments and head out the door.

Anniversary

I have been blessed beyond all expectations! I am nearing one year without any chemo treatments. January 9, 2017 was my last chemo treatment. When this journey began in May of 2016 my oncologist suggested the most positive expectation I should have regarding life expectancy was two years. Nobody is promised tomorrow, or even this afternoon, but it does appear that I will be shattering their projections.

The fact that I have been blessed beyond all expectations humbles me…and troubles me. [Read more…]

The Season of Advent

December 5, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Advent is that special season of the year when we focus our attention on the “coming” or “arrival” of Jesus.

We remember and celebrate the first coming of baby Jesus all those years ago in Bethlehem.

Angels sang, shepherds traveled and Mary pondered. It was clear God was up to something special. This child was to bring hope! Years later Jesus would stand and proclaim

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” – Luke 4

Hope incarnate for a tired, weary and hurting world.

During Advent we are reminded to focus on the Hope we have in the promised return of Jesus the Messiah.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” – John 14

We are to live each day as if this is not our home…we are just passing through. My hope is not in the things of this world but is found in the risen Jesus Christ.

Advent is also a reminder for us to look for Jesus to appear in our lives each and every day.

Where and how should we expect Jesus to appear? He may speak to us through the scriptures. There may be something special in words spoken by a friend or stranger. It may be something we hear or see that God uses to draw us closer to Jesus. Jesus himself taught that as we spend time with the least and the lonely, the outcast and the downtrodden we will surely be in His presence.

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25

Advent reminds us to search out ways to help the least, the lost, the lonely and the downtrodden.

Where, and in who will you see Jesus this Advent season?

Spiritual Formation

December 4, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

A Normal Morning

My morning began like most every morning. Arrive at the office with a long list of things that “have to be accomplished” today. A fresh cup of coffee in my hand I sat down behind a cluttered desk and began to strategize a plan to move through the day.

As I shuffled papers, books and other assorted things around my office in an attempt to appear organized I moved my devotional, “Jesus Calling” from one side of the desk to another. No time for this today…too much to accomplish…too much to get done. Maybe later in the day when I have checked some things off the old “to do list” I can spare some time to read the thought for the day.

A twinge of guilt. The prompting of the Spirit. A longing for something more than just another busy day. Whatever the cause I returned to my devotional and opened to the reading for today.

“My ways are higher than yours”

“My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours.”

“Remember who I am when you spend time with Me. Marvel at the wonder of being able to commune with the King of the universe – any time, any place. Never take this amazing privilege for granted!

Though I am vastly higher and greater than you, I am training you to think My thoughts. As you spend time in My Presence, My thoughts gradually form in your mind. My Spirit is the Director of this process. Sometimes He brings Bible verses to mind. Sometimes He enables you to hear Me ‘speak’ directly to you. These communications strengthen you and prepare you for whatever is before you on your life-path. Take time to listen to My voice. Through your sacrifice of precious time, I bless you far more than you dare to ask.”

What I long for

This is what I want! This is what I seek. Day by day, hour by hour to grow in my ability to walk closer with Abba Father. Learning to live and move this way speaks of peace. Peace in the midst of chaos. Peace in the midst of crazy. Peace in the midst of a cluttered desk. Peace in the midst of cancer. Peace in the midst of….

As you enter into this day may you take a moment to be still and spend time with Abba Father.