Archives for June 2018

Long Live Excel

June 22, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

That Kind of Guy

I often joke with people that “I am an excel kind of guy.” Whatever you are talking about seems to become more real and relatable once it falls into the neat rows and columns of a spreadsheet. Maybe that could be true for my scan results.

I know, this sounds odd coming from the pastor who spends much of life wrestling with things spiritual. Struggling to understand and live out the very ideas and truths that fail to fit into the organized columns and rows of a spreadsheet.

The tension is real. I want it all nice and neat. Let me see clearly how the data falls into line and points to a clear path forward. Reality is rarely that easy. Chaos abounds. Even those things placed into the discipline of an excel spreadsheet fall prey to disorder and unpredictability.

Scan Results

Today was my oncologist visit.

We were going to be reviewing my latest scans.

I saw the results a few days ago. When I first looked at them I was less than encouraged. The numbers did not add up and were showing something less than stellar results. It was pointed out to me that where the technicians were once measuring in centimeters they were now using millimeters. By itself, that change was encouraging. [Read more…]

Right Now

June 15, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Right Now

“Right now, take a breath and hold it.” Today was scan day. This afternoon I had a CT scan of my chest and an MRI of my abdomen and liver. “Official results” will be in early next week.

As I have walked this journey the past few years I have found “unofficial” markers that have given insight into how I am doing.

Walking Uphill

For example, the walk from church to our local coffee shop is uphill. When I struggle to get uphill I know things are not going well. Yesterday I walked uphill without stopping. Now, I walked very slowly, deliberately, but I did not need to stop to catch my breath. This is important because Monday was chemo treatment number nine. Nine treatments in, and I can walk up “my hill” without stopping. God is good!

Hold Your Breath

Scan days offer another chance to view one of my “unofficial” markers. During the MRI I am asked to hold my breath on multiple occasions. When first diagnosed I was unable to hold my breath the required amount of time. Each time I was asked to “hold my breath” and be still I would be forced to exhale and take a breath after only a few seconds.

As today’s test progressed it was clear I was doing better. Each time I heard, “Right now, take a breath and hold it” I was able to make it until I heard “Ok, now you can breathe.”

To be very, very, very clear. The real test results will come in a few days from now. What I am sharing with you now is purely anecdotal. Anecdotal…but encouraging.

During today’s tests God revealed something to me. [Read more…]

30 Yards of Blessing

June 10, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

When I left for church today there was a pile of mulch in our driveway. We had ordered 30 yards of mulch to cover our front hill. This hill has been a multiple year project and the mulch was a final step.

Nancy, Rayann and I had planned on slowly moving the mountain of mulch from the driveway to the hill. It was going to be a big project. We did not have many more projects planned for the summer. Thirty yards of mulch work out to be about 270 wheelbarrow loads.

There was a day when pushing loads of mulch around the yard was no big deal. These days one or two loads and I would need a nap. Every time I looked at that mountain of mulch it seemed to be getting bigger. [Read more…]

The Journey Continues

June 9, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Eight Down

I am eight (8) treatments in to this round of chemotherapy and the Journey Continues.

A few weeks ago, I was on retreat and spent some of my time walking the grounds of the Jesuit Center. I ended up getting my 10,000 steps four days in a row. It felt like I was going to float my way through this round of chemo with little problems.

No More Bouncing Back

Monday following the retreat was my seventh treatment. It felt like I was hit by a truck. The energy I had just days before was gone, long gone. My “off week” was okay, but I certainly did not bounce back the way I had previously.

Treatment number eight was more of the same. I don’t think I ever truly bounced back to my “new normal” this time. Each day has been a struggle to move with the energy to get through the day. Naps have become part of the new normal. If you stop by church and cannot find me there is a good chance I will be in one of the back pews grabbing a few moments of quiet to re-charge for the rest of the day.

Praise for the Progress

Now, to be clear, I am handling this round of treatment much better than I did my round in 2016. First round I needed a walking stick to help me move through life, that is not true today. It only took a few treatments in 2016 for me to feel the way I do today. I am four months in and it is just now that I am starting to feel weak and rundown. [Read more…]