Archives for September 2018

How 2 Do It

September 22, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Walking well with someone who is fighting long-term or terminal illness is not easy. My friend Andrea offers one example of how to do it well.

WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you may have caught a couple “shout outs” to Andrea. When it was time to get a tattoo there were thoughts of getting them together. She is a “fan” of the chemo man purse and somehow sees it as a fashion statement. So, who is this woman?

Andrea and I met when she was in Jr. high. She was a member of the youth group at Maplewood Baptist Church. Andrea was full of energy and we had a great relationship.

At one point she kept telling me about this great Christian Slater movie, Kuffs. I just had to see it. One Saturday she took Nancy and myself to the movies to see it. As the movie opens Slater’s character and his girlfriend dance around their apartment clad only in their underwear. Andrea sat frozen in her seat, head down, eyes up, beat red. She muttered, “Forgot about this part.” We laugh about it to this day. (Okay, I laugh about it.)

I had the honor of performing Andrea’s wedding. It was a special day. As the years roll on our families stay connected.

QUALITY VS QUANTITY

One of the most fascinating things about this cancer journey has been conversations with my oncologist about quality vs quantity of life. Prior to meeting Dr. Saroha, I would have said, “I will take both thank you very much.” There was never any reason to think in such heavy or deep ways. The goal was to have it all, quality and quantity.

From the beginning of my treatment Dr. Saroha has been clear there will be seasons where we will choose quantity on life. In those moments it will be up to me to fight through side effects and labor through whatever treatment is appropriate. At other times we will decide that it is time for a break from all the treatments, time for my body to recover, and heal. Time for my quality of life to improve.

Those have never been easy conversations, but they have become part of my “new normal.” Nancy and I find it much easier to slip into the quality vs quantity conversation than we first did. [Read more…]

Blog 2 Book

September 21, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Have you ever found yourself mid story, realizing you were speaking a deeper truth? While sharing “ancient” history, I found myself revealing the profound.

PASTOR, YOU MUST DO THIS

Shawn and his family

Shawn stood in my office telling me what I had to do. He was convinced that it was important. I protested, my time was limited, there was no band-width to add one more thing. “Dan, if you want to reach people today you MUST have a blog.”

A RECURRING CONVERSATION

This was not the first time Shawn and I had spoken this way. He was convinced a blog was important. I was equally as convinced that I had no time for such a thing. What would I write? The idea of generating content of value for one more thing was not appealing. I wanted to do things well, the amount of time needed to write quality could not be found on my current calendar.

DISMISSAL

Shawn kept after me. Each time he came with new ideas on how something like a blog would fit into my life. “Dan, you could use your sermons as content.” “My sermons are rarely written in text form, I generate an outline and speak from that. Taking time to turn an outline into text worthy of public consumption is too much.” “Pastor, you write a newsletter article each month. You could simply use that as part of your blog content.” “That is written specifically for the people of this congregation, it is not for wider consumption.” I had an answer for everything he brought to me. Shawn was not deterred, he returned a few days later with a new suggestion. [Read more…]

Seasons of Turmoil

September 13, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 3 Comments

While seasons of chaos and turmoil are normal they can become stressful. Young and old there are things in this world that add stress. Where are we to turn when the stress begins to mount?

Rocking the “Man Purse”

A shout out to Traci & Andrea. Here is your OLD friend (yes, I caught the reference, you can call me OLD anytime you want) “rocking his man purse” of chemotherapy.

Maintenance Round ?

I have lost track of what number round of maintenance chemo this was. It was the hardest yet. Monday was chemo day. Tuesday I was full of energy and had a very productive day. Wednesday, I slept the day away. Today, Thursday, I moved as if my mind was in a fog. Next Friday I meet with my oncologist. It is time for one of those conversations where we talk about the tension between prolonging and quality of life. It is close to time, if it is not already time, to take a break from chemotherapy and have an increase in quality of life.

A Season of Chaos

Have you ever been in one of those seasons of life where no matter where you look life seems to be chaotic and out of control? Professionally things seem to be in turmoil. Family is going through significant transitions and everyone is feeling the stress. Last time it rained the roof leaked, in a different spot. I could go on, but you get my point.

Looking for Bambi

Rayann was driving me home tonight when I laughed and said, “You know, this is just about the time for us to hit a deer.” Rayann slowed right down as if there was a deer in the road. I laughed even harder and said, “I do not see anything, but the way life feels right now it would seem appropriate for a couple to deer to jump out, one from each side of the road, and crash into our car.” We had a good laugh the rest of the way home. Rayann was driving slower and looking closer for deer.

Can I Get a Break, Please

I am sure that I am not alone in experiencing seasons such as this. Life is not always easy and there are difficult times. Times where it feels as if nothing is going right. Seasons where you wonder, “when will we/I catch a break.”

It is into seasons such as this that the Spirit of God gently speaks, “I am here.” [Read more…]

From Worry to Adventure

September 8, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Ready for Adventure

Kevin O’Brien, S.J. begins The Ignatian Adventure with these words:

As we’ve seen, Ignatius of Loyola as a young man left his family home in Spain to embark on an adventure that would transform countless lives, beginning with his own. Traveling across Europe and the Mediterranean, he would learn that the greatest adventures in life were not always geographic. The adventure that God had in store for Ignatius was about traveling the distance between the head and the heart and about inspiring in Ignatius bold, holy desires for God’s greater glory and the service of others.

The Furthest Journey

Bubble Fun at Mushroom Festival Parade

That distance between the head and the heart can often the furthest distance ever traveled. We live in a world where it is easy for many of us to catch a plane and travel halfway around the world at a moments notice. Travel that used to take days, even months, we now do in mere hours. Yet, that distance between the head and heart often remains worlds apart.

We may KNOW what is right, yet BELIVING those same things to the point where we are moved to action is often a different story. It is the difference between knowing something in your head and believing it within your heart.

I may know a truth about who God is. Until I believe it, that knowledge will do little to move me to act. The distance between head and heart is often the furthest journey we ever take in our lives. [Read more…]

Caregivers Journey

September 7, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Mushroom Festival Parade Fun

This past week I was talking with a fellow cancer patient and we spoke of how the journey often seems harder for those traveling with the patient.

THE WORLD SPINS

At first glance that may seem unreasonable or even a little insensitive. Stick with me for a few minutes, understand that I write as someone who has battled cancer the past two years.

When the doctor speaks those words, “you have cancer” everyone’s world starts to spin. The patient is immediately forced to deal with issues of mortality and grief. Grief over the life experiences cancer may rob them of. Both patient and caregiver are forced into learning a new language as they seek to develop and follow a treatment plan.

Caregivers and loved ones begin to deal with grief, loss, and develop a plan of attack to “cure” this illness that is attacking their loved one. Caregivers lives are thrown in turmoil. Suddenly they are taking care of household chores and someone who until recently was taking care of themselves and contributing to the well-being of the family.

NEWFOUND CLARITY

Over time the patient is “given room” to process the issues they are dealing with. There is a moment when most come to grips with their mortality. In that moment a new set of priorities become clear. What was once important may fade into the background as they want to invest the remainder of their lives into what is “truly important.” Cancer may ultimately win, but it will not rob them of investing what life remains into what is of the highest value. [Read more…]

How Long

September 4, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 6 Comments

It has been a few weeks since I last shared anything. Life has been busy and I have been adjusting to maintenance chemo. I have found myself wrestling with the question, “How long?”

Maintenance Chemo

We have removed one drug. My treatments are shorter. I still have to carry my “man purse” of chemo for a few days following treatment. If I could get rid of that “man purse” following treatments I would be thrilled. I am attached to this pump until the Wednesday of treatment weeks. For days later I move like I am still connected to it.

A few more treatments and we will do scans to see how things are progressing. There is little expectation that lesions will shrink. Our goal now is to keep things from growing. We are looking to hear that things are “unremarkable.” [Read more…]