How Long

It has been a few weeks since I last shared anything. Life has been busy and I have been adjusting to maintenance chemo. I have found myself wrestling with the question, “How long?”

Maintenance Chemo

We have removed one drug. My treatments are shorter. I still have to carry my “man purse” of chemo for a few days following treatment. If I could get rid of that “man purse” following treatments I would be thrilled. I am attached to this pump until the Wednesday of treatment weeks. For days later I move like I am still connected to it.

A few more treatments and we will do scans to see how things are progressing. There is little expectation that lesions will shrink. Our goal now is to keep things from growing. We are looking to hear that things are “unremarkable.”

How Long

The chorus of one of my favorite U2 songs goes like this…

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long, how long, how long
How long, to sing this song

If I was to write a song about maintenance chemo it would sound somewhat similar…

How long must this go on
How long must this go on
How long, how long, how long
How long, must this go on

My oncologist insists we will continue this until I feel it is time for a break. My PA talks about it as an ongoing and never ending reality. Truth be told I have come to believe Dr. Saroha has a gentle way of helping you through the journey. Sharing what you need to know, and what you can handle at a specific moment.

Telling the Story

I have spent the last two weeks completing a manuscript that tells the story of my (our) journey over the past two years. A few days ago, I sent it off to the publisher. If the schedule holds true the book should be available before the new year, maybe in time for Christmas!

This has been quite a journey. I thought it would be largely an academic exercise as I recounted the realities of the last two years. What surprised me was how emotional and challenging it was to read through my posts from the last two years. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

A Sneak Peak

Here are a few words taken from the introduction…

It is not that I believe “my stuff” to be any better or even different than the stuff of many others. The truth is we all have difficult seasons to travel as we journey through life. I am putting this together for a couple of reasons…

If my children, grandchildren and their grandchildren can one day learn even the tiniest thing about traveling well with Abba Father because of my experience I will count it a blessing.

I am thankful for the journey and this is one way for me to offer it back to God. As I have talked with other cancer survivors there is often a common theme. While not wishing the journey upon anyone and not wishing to return to the depths of the struggle again themselves there is often a spirit of thankfulness for how God used “time in the valley” to reveal what is truly important about life. The C word has a way of getting your attention and focusing you on what is of highest value.

I was surprised by some of the things I wrestled with. As a pastor it has been my role to comfort the dying and the grieving. I believed I understood the process and knew what to expect. As I heard the oncologist tell me to “get my affairs in order” it was clear I was wrong. If someone can travel their journey a little easier or walk alongside someone else “through the valley of shadow of death” as a result of my sharing…all praise to Abba Father.