LIFE HAS A WAY
The last time I posted anything was December 6th. Two days later, life took an unexpected and rather crazy turn. Mom fell on her way to church and ended up in the hospital. She stayed there for a few days and has been in rehab since then. Dad came to live with Nancy and me while mom was recovering.
During that time, mom and dad decided to transition from their home to the Friends Home in Kennett Square. Nancy and I have been spending lots of time helping them get ready for the move. Daily trips to visit mom (twice a day) bring great joy to both mom and dad. They have been together for fifty-seven years. This time apart is very disorienting and disturbing for them both. Everyone is anxious and excited to make a move to the Friends Home.
During all the transitions in mom and dad’s life, I have continued my bi-weekly treatments. So far, I am handling them fairly well. It is hard to determine if my feelings of fatigue are related to chemotherapy treatments or the other transitions taking place in our world.
My treatment schedule is falling into something of a recognizable pattern. Adding a second oncologist and second treatment day does make for some interesting looking calendars, but the longer it continues the more familiar it becomes.
Every other Tuesday, I travel to Philadelphia to access my pump. The plan is to fill it with chemotherapy every other visit. The pump will run for two weeks giving chemotherapy directly to my liver. The times we do not fill it with chemotherapy, we use saline to ensure the lines do not clot and the pump remains functioning. Accessing the pump is fairly straightforward and is a technical marvel. The process takes no more than twenty minutes.
On Wednesday, after my pump access, I visit Dr. Saroha and we do a systemic chemotherapy treatment. We are using one familiar drug and one new drug. I am experiencing all the expected side effects, and am managing them as well as can be expected.
One side effect is acne. Rayann has passed on some of her cast-off facial wash products, and I now have a more elaborate and detailed personal hygiene program than when I was in high-school. Go figure; I dodged bad acne in my teen years to get it when I was in my fifties!
WHERE AM I?
Spiritually, emotionally, physically, I waffle between times of great strength and periods of utter exhaustion. In the midst of it all, I am constantly reminded that “God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good.”
THE SPIRIT SPEAKS
Just this afternoon, I was in the office and had a conversation with a friend that reminded me of how God works best in the midst of weakness. They shared a story of utter weakness and how in the midst of it, God helped them see things clearly. As they talked, it was clear that a season most of us would consider an utter disaster was being used for good. How is it that God so often uses our weakest moments to accomplish the most in us and through us?
I am humbled by the privilege and honor to continue on my journey, whatever it may hold.
I am confident that there will be times of great JOY, along with seasons of struggle. Praise God that one thing remains true. In the midst of it all, I (we) do not have to walk alone.
In preparing this post I came across a previous post that really spoke to me. It was one of those times your words are directed more inward than outward. A time you speak healing and wholeness to yourself more than to others. It came from my journal, a very private place, and I share it here again. The words spoke to me, maybe they will to you, My Private Wrestling.
There are many partially completed posts sitting in a file ready to be finished. I am praying that in the next few weeks, life will return to some semblance of “normal” (whatever that is), and I can get back to writing on a more regular basis.
Until then, know that I (we) are well. Thank you for your prayers.
May the rest of today be filled with wonder and amazement as you are yet again surprised by the gift & grace of God.