Archives for August 2022

A Help to Others

August 29, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Overwhelmed by life, I can turn away from helping others. Caregiver lesson; I have learned not to judge myself too harshly in those moments.

A Help to Others- To Be or Not to Be

As a caregiver, I often have the opportunity to help others dealing with illness.

At times, I jump in and help them even though I am already busy. This makes me feel useful and fulfilled.

At other times, I turn away from the chance to get involved because adding one more struggle to my life is too much.

I have learned not to judge myself harshly in those moments and to avoid judging others for the way they react to those who are struggling.

When Asking for Help is About Me

August 22, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Asking for help is never easy. Caregiver lesson; the caregiver is often the one who needs help. I can be more clear when the ask is for ME.

In my role as a caregiver, there are times when I need to request help from others.

As the person with cancer, Dan often feels that a request for help is because he is weak and unable to complete a task.

When we were moving pieces of trees that had been cut down, he refused to have me ask someone for help because he was able to cut the tree into sections himself. What he didn’t think about, was that moving the section of the tree out of the woods (my job) was difficult for me.

I was wanting to ask for help for ME, not for him. This is a time when clear communication could override feelings of weakness and the desire to overcome physical challenges.

NOTE: I (Dan) help Nancy with the editing and such with her caregiver journals. As I listened to this one I was reminded of something I wrote about our woodpile.

Where Nancy was looking for help...I was focused on filling the wood rack. All a matter of perspective. Kind of crazy how we can walk a journey so closely with someone and have a very different perspective.

There is a lesson in there somewhere…

Sitting with My Pain

August 18, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

Three cycles into my fifth round of systemic chemotherapy I am struggling. My meditation this morning invited me to sit with my pain.

How this Round Began

Last August, I went on disability. Since that time, the pace of life has been a little easier. I work when I feel like it and nap when I want to.

I was active and energetic in the weeks before starting this round of chemotherapy. This was the healthiest I have been prior to beginning chemotherapy. I had hoped to sail through these twelve cycles with ease.

My hopes and dreams were nice. Unfortunately, reality has been much different.

Each cycle (every other week) has been filled with various side effects—the kind of things I have largely avoided for the past six years. I am not sure why this round is different.

Dr. Saroha has always welcomed the side effects. His logic is that the more side effects you experience, the more likely the treatment is working.

I tend to believe that it is the cumulative effect of multiple rounds of chemotherapy. My body has come to know what to expect and jumps to harsher reactions to the treatments.

Cycle Three – this Monday

Monday was a treatment day. I was tired going into it.

We spent last week with Nancy’s family in North Carolina celebrating her father’s life. There was lots to do, and I helped plan Ray’s memorial service. The drive to and from NC was rough.

Once we got home, there was yard work to catch up on. I probably worked when I should have been resting.

All that to say, I entered Monday’s treatment in less than peak condition. My body reacted to the chemo in what is, for me, unusual ways. First, I was nauseous and found it hard to relax. Then, a few hours in, I had GI issues from both ends of my body.

Tuesday was more of the same. I basically sat in my chair the majority of the day. When I was not in my chair, I was in the bathroom.

Where My Mind Went

Wednesday morning, I awoke early and looked forward to getting rid of my pump. As soon as the chemotherapy stops, I usually begin to feel better. Not this week.

Sitting at my desk, I struggled with the side effects, questioned why this was happening, and wondered if I had fought this fight long enough.

I know, challenging thought, but it was where my mind was.

The most difficult thing for me to navigate is “chemo brain.” My cognitive ability slows down, and it takes me longer to think through issues. As a result, reading and writing become a chore.

The pain and discomfort were overwhelming. Finally, I found myself in one of those moments when all I could do was focus on the pain and discomfort. Every fiber of my being wanted it gone.

Looking for a distraction, I opened my email and found Richard Rohr’s daily meditation titled, Stay Where the Pain Is.

My Gut Reaction? I don’t need to read this crap. My pain is unique. I have carried it well for long enough. It is time for the pain to be gone.

Overcoming my self-focus, I opened the meditation. Rohr’s words spoke to my heart.

Stay where the pain is. Sit with it. Own it. Allow your pain to heal and transform you.

We often experience renewal, rebirth, transformation, and resurrection while going through seasons of struggle and pain. [Read more…]

THANK YOU TEAM

August 12, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy of the second edition of The Journey Continues or shared about it with their people.

Amazon tracks the “sales rank” of every book on their site. They describe sales rank this way,

Sales Rank shows how well your book is performing relative to other books. It’s determined by customer activity, specifically the sales of your title and any eBook borrows. It’s also compared to the activity of other books, so your Sales Rank can change even when your book’s level of activity stays the same.

Each format of your book (paperback or eBook) has its own Sales Rank. A lower rank is better in this situation. For example, a paperback book with a rank of #1 is the bestselling paperback book on Amazon.

With your help and support the sales rank of The Journey Continues made a significant change over the past few days.

Actual sales will be reported over the next few weeks. What is clear is that people are paying attention. Thank you for helping make that happen.

100 percent of all sales are going to support the work that Nancy and I are doing with A Place in the Conversation. A Place in the Conversation is committed to; “Helping people discover a place in the conversation that allows them to be heard, listen to others, and grow as individuals and community.”

Thanks again for all your help and support.

If you have read the book (either edition) and would not mind leaving a review on Amazon, that would be very helpful.

The resources below can be used to share the book with your circles of influence. Nancy and I are excited to see it be used as a way to help others…a way to redeem and restore what has been a difficult journey into something good. Thank you for being part of that process.

The Journey Continues

Feeling “Grounded” by Cancer

August 8, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Cancer often means we need to stay near home. I feel grounded. Caregiver lesson; helping others understand that reality can be challenging.

A result of cancer and chemotherapy is often the need to stay home- near medication, beds, and bathrooms. At times it can feel like we are grounded, unable to leave home and socialize with our friends. It can be challenging to help friends and family understand that the grounding is necessary as we deal with illness. We are not hiding at home to stay away from others. We are hiding at home to keep Dan safe, allow him to rest, and provide what he needs when he is sick.

The Change is Happening

August 4, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

The change is happening, and I cannot explain why. The way I move through the world is changing, I wonder why the change is happening now.

Early Mornings

I have been told that early mornings are some of the most peaceful and quiet times of the day.

On those rare occasions when I caught a sunrise it was because I had worked through the night and was just heading off to bed as light dawned.

Some of my most productive and enjoyable hours of the day come after everyone has turned in and I can sit in silence. Something about the darkness and quiet of a late night turning into early morning feeds my soul. It has not been uncommon for me to stay awake until two or three in the morning. Late nights are my best hours.

I Tried

Throughout my life, I have been told that rising by nine is not good form. Friends have mocked me. People shared that while I was getting ready to start the day much of the world has a good four or five hours of work in.

I tried to make myself an early riser. [Read more…]

Why Tater Tots Made Me Cry

August 1, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

I can deal with a big crisis, a shortage of tater tots can make me cry. Caregiver lesson; “small things” often evoke our strongest feelings.

As Dan restarted chemo because of new cancer growth, I stepped up as a caregiver to make his adjustment as easy as possible. I was strong, helpful, and compassionate. When I went to the store to fulfill his chemo craving, tater tots- all my resolve left when I saw the empty tater tot shelf. The store was out of tater tots. There was no other store nearby. I just wanted to cry. As a caregiver, it is often the “little” emergencies that make me feel inadequate.