Daniel Nicewonger

SPIRIT SIGHTINGS

April 14, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Earlier this week I attended a funeral service. It was not anyone I was close to. We probably only met once or twice during the past three years. I went to be with some of his extended family. During our time together I was struck by two things.

First this was a service unlike any I have ever attended. I knew it was going to be different. I had never attended a service of the Religious Society of Friends, or Quakers, before. What has surprised me is how much time I have spent thinking about this service over the past week.

We gathered together in a small wooden church complete with hard wooden pews and the kind of air conditioning that comes only through open windows. There was no pastor, no leader, simply a gathering of friends come together to celebrate and honor the memory of a life well lived. As we entered those who were obviously guests (new to the Quaker way of worship) were quietly handed a pamphlet which explained what was about to happen. In part it reads,

“We reflect on the value of that life as it relates to the lives of all of us. All present share in this process. We sit quietly; at times an individual may be moved to speak, to offer a prayer or a message that has come out of the silence. All are welcome to do this. The responsibility for the spiritual depth of the meeting rests with each attender. Those who keep silent as well as those who give a vocal message do their part when they yield their minds and hearts to the guidance of the Spirit.”

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Memo

March 29, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

This last Sunday our whole family got the memo.

We all showed up to church in matching clothes…without any prior conversations or planning.

This kind of thing does not happen even when we plan to take a family picture. You know the times…those high anxiety, what am I going to wear, will we ever get it right times.

Sunday was an accident and lucky for us Cassandra noticed and had her camera ready. Before anyone knew what was happening the photo was taken.

I vote for no more staged family photos. No more working to arrange the perfect picture. We will go without until we just happen to show up somewhere in matching clothes once again.

COLONOSCOPY DAY

March 25, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 4 Comments

Friday was colonoscopy day.

Nancy takes such good care of me. I came home Thursday night to begin my prep work and she had made sure there was a brand new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. I cannot tell you how often I thought of Nancy’s generosity during my prep work. 🙂

Honestly the hardest part of the test was getting to the office by 8am. I had to be up at 1am to complete round two of my prep and got very little sleep. I am not normally a morning person. It was still dark out when Nancy and I left the house and headed off to the doctors.

The test was a breeze. Everyone was very nice and extremely helpful. I think I traumatized the poor nurse who came to set up my IV. He came by my bed and said, “so, you are having a colonoscopy today…that is smart.” Not sure how to reply I said, “I guess so.” “No, it really is. If they find something early they can treat it.” I chuckled. As our conversation continued I explained my story and that I already knew what my test results were going to show. He got very quiet and said good luck before heading off to the next patient.

What did it say?

As I woke up there was a nurse nearby. She came over and started talking. “Well, everything is normal.” Nancy was out in the waiting room, she is my second set of ears in these situations, so I could not look to her for clarification. Still groggy from the anesthesia I was convinced I had not heard her correctly. I asked her again, “What did it say?” She looked at me funny, as if to say why are you arguing with this result and said, “Normal, absolutely normal”.

By that time Nancy had made her way back and we sat there trying to figure out what this all meant. I had prepared myself to see the Cancer that has ravaged my body these past months and now was being told my colon looks normal. For months my oncologist and I had talked of potential blockages and what we would have to do when that happens. The nurse was telling me everything was normal. [Read more…]

PSA

March 22, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

The Week of Dad

When Rayann and Joseph were young I would tell them that I needed more than a day to celebrate my birthday. I called it the week of Dad. Whatever week my birthday happened to fall upon became a seven day celebration of me. Most of the time I was the only one celebrating while they howled in protest, declaring that you only got one day to celebrate your birthday. Rayann eventually caught on and told me she needed a week of Rayann. That is when the week of Dad died. I could not afford a weeklong celebration of Rayann’s birthday.

I thought about the “week of Dad” today. Nancy told me that March was National Colon Cancer Awareness Month. Who knew? I had a whole month to celebrate me and this struggle we are going through. March is almost over and I am just finding this out? You would think I would at least be getting free coffee at WaWa during March.

Chemo Break Fun

I am on my second six week break from chemotherapy. What kind of fun, exciting things can you do while taking a break from chemo? The list is endless. You could travel somewhere special. I thought of taking a few days away with just Nancy. As my energy returns I am finding that ministry is very fulfilling and spending time in study and preparation is life giving. The possibilities of what one could do are endless.

Last Friday when I met with my oncologist we talked about this second six week break. I just about fell off the table when I heard him say, “Now that we are taking a break from chemo…this might be a good time to get a colonoscopy.” What! I can think of many things that it might be a good thing to do while on a break from chemotherapy. Spending time preparing for and then going to get a colonoscopy would not ever make my top 100 list.

Reality

The truth is that while it might not be the most enjoyable thing it could prove helpful in my treatment. I never had one since nothing a colonoscopy showed was going to change my treatment plan. Having one now will help better understand exactly what is going on and may help shape future treatments. So, on Friday I head in to have my colonoscopy.

What If?

I was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer at the age of 47. A few years ago (4-5) I sat in my doctor’s office during a physical and we talked about whether or not I should have a colonoscopy. I was in my early 40’s. The doctor’s wisdom was, “You are still young, we do not recommend a colonoscopy until you are 50. We could do one, if you want to, but I do not feel it is necessary.” “If I want to?” I don’t think there are many people who want to have a colonoscopy. Tell me I ought to, or that it would be helpful and I will do it. If you are asking me if I want to undergo the procedure…my answer will always be a solid “No thank you.” Chances are if I had gone forward with the test it would not have shown anything. My Cancer is an aggressive form and was probably not present then. No matter, it is a conversation that haunts me. What if?

PSA

During this National Cancer Awareness Month let me encourage you to make an appointment and go get your colonoscopy. If I can do it while on a break from chemotherapy then certainly you can find time in your busy life
to take care of business. It is not exciting. There is little about it that sounds pleasant. I can assure you the brief moments of being uncomfortable beats months of chemotherapy and all that comes with those treatments. I met with my gastrointestinal doctor Tuesday and my test is scheduled for Friday.

There are only a few days left in March. Take the first step and schedule an appointment with your Doctor. As we get older it is nice to hear someone tell us we are young. Do not be flattered if your doctor says you are too young for a colonoscopy. It is your body, your healthcare. Take control and get the test. I pray it comes back normal. If they find something abnormal you will be glad they find it early.

God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good

Visitors

March 20, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

As I work to navigate this journey with Cancer I have made changes to my work schedule. Most Mondays I work from my study at home. It saves “burning energy” getting ready and going into the office at church. I move a little slower and allow myself time to recover from a busy day on Sunday. This change has been good for me and has increased my productivity.

Today I was eating lunch when there was a loud crash on top of the roof. I rushed outside expecting to see a tree leaning against the house. Stepping outside everything seemed to be normal and okay. At that moment a huge vulture took off from our front yard. It had been examining what could have been a meal. I stood on the deck and watched as two or three of those big birds soared above up and down the valley. A few minutes later and they were gone.

Later in the day I came upstairs for a cup of coffee and looked out our front window and saw this visitor. I believe it to be a Red Tailed Hawk. I stood inside and took these pictures through our front window.

Standing a few feet from the house it was intent on finishing the last of their lunch. With the simple flap of their wings it soared down the hill and off across the valley.

I love living in this home. The place is very quiet and it is easy to sit and be still. We are surrounded by woods and you never know who will emerge to share our space.

Weeks 2 Months

March 17, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

Where everybody knows your name

Today was a big day. After six weeks of no oncologist visits I walked into the office for an appointment with my doctor. I am sure it seems funny to some. Honestly, what is the big deal about six weeks between doctors visits? You have to understand this morning was kind of like a homecoming. For months Nancy and I were in their office multiple times a week. It was a rare week when we had only one appointment. The front office had kind of become my personal “Cheers“. We walked in and the woman working the front counter shouted “Norm”, or in my case, “Dan”. We have our normal banter about getting a “fancy bracelet” and then if there is time talk about life as if it is normal.

Today there was a line when we walked in. When it was my turn she picked up like I had not been gone for six weeks. “Welcome sir, you want your fancy bracelet?” “Sure” “How are you feeling?” “Feeling more like myself these days, kind of forgot what that felt like.” We both laughed. Then the conversation moved to tissues and toilet paper.

Nancy and I sat waiting for the doctor longer than we ever have. My mind racing. Maybe he does not want to come in and tell us the bad news. Could it be that he is delaying having to speak hard words?

Weeks 2 Months

Finally the door opened and he came with a smile. He asked how I was feeling. I was moving a little slowly and he noticed that. “Why, what is your problem?” We talked about my neuropathy and how it does appear to be getting better. Finally he took his seat and turned his attention toward his computer. “Your blood panel looks un-remarkable.” His language for good. Starting at the top he went through the most important numbers found within in the blood panel. Sitting there listening to him talk I wanted to scream, “There is only one number I want to know about…can we get to the main event!” I relaxed and in a few minutes he got to my CEA. 1.8!

1.8 is actually lower than the last time I was there. Statistically it is a meaningless change. My oncologist reminds me each time we measure it that as long as we stay below 5 he will be happy. For me, someone who likes excel and tracks numbers closely, any change is important. It was especially important for this to be lower than my last reading. It gives me hope that we can stretch this break from weeks to months to years. [Read more…]

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART…

March 16, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

ABSENCE

I know. It has been some time since I last posted something on my blog. I apologize if my absence has made you nervous or caused you to question my well-being. The past few weeks have been a season for me. A season where my journal has gotten more attention than this blog. My journal is for me. This blog is for public consumption. I promise that in the future, if things are difficult and warrant sharing I will share it here. If you do not hear from me for a season simply assume I am in one of those more introspective and private times of life.

CHEMO BREAK

I have been on a six week break from chemo treatments. At first I was very nervous and somewhat anxious about this whole break thing. I mean honestly, if the chemo is what is working to keep my cancer at bay who in their right mind would want a break? For the first few weeks I felt every ache, pain, twinge in my body and was convinced that it was the cancer coming back. Forget the fact that I am 48 years old and even on my best days was “blessed” with new and unexplainable aches and pains. Slowly I learned to relax and rest quietly, allowing my body to take advantage of this break from chemo treatments. This break lasted six weeks and by the fifth and sixth week I have been able to emotionally relax and be at peace with where I am on this journey.

THE RETURN OF “DAN”

Somewhere around week three I was on my way home from the office and I realized that it had been a particularly productive day. It brought a smile to my face. Mind you it was not anywhere near pre-cancer productive but it was much better than where I had been while in the midst of treatment. Slowly I have been returning to myself. I am able to read AND remember what I read like before treatments. My energy levels are up. This is in part due to the fact that I am living smarter. I pace myself better and I take time away much easier than I used to. When I get tired I take a nap. If I work a long day on Tuesday…Wednesday moves at a much slower pace. I have been forced to learn how to live within my energy levels and I am more productive because of it. [Read more…]