Awaking Not Okay

I have never been a morning person.  Waking in the morning has been hard for me.  I have enjoyed my morning sleep, it has been some of the most restful and peaceful time of my life.  I have always been envious of those who could get up with the dawn.  My grandfather was one of those people.  As a child I would try to get up before him.  I would rush to the living room, trying to be in his favorite chair before he woke up.  It never happened.  I was always second.  He was always there before me reading his Bible and praying.  Morning has just not been my time of the day.

The longer I have gone through chemotherapy the easier I have found it to get up with the sun.  I still go to bed at the same time.  I just cannot sleep as long.  I find myself restless and tossing in the early morning.  Sometimes I fight myself back to sleep.  Other times there is something on my mind and I need to get up to write or read.  That was my reality this morning.  There was no fighting myself back to sleep today.

As I lay awake Nancy and I started to talk.  I have long accused her of waking me out my peaceful morning slumbers.  I think Nancy sometimes does this by merely looking at me until I am startled awake by the unnerving sense that she is staring at me.  Over the past twenty six years she has denied my accusations.  I have stopped “blaming” her and now chose to believe I am startled awake because I want to spend more time with her.  My new thought, while having less to do with reality, is better for our marriage and makes her feel good. [Read more…]