Awaking Not Okay
I have never been a morning person. Waking in the morning has been hard for me. I have enjoyed my morning sleep, it has been some of the most restful and peaceful time of my life. I have always been envious of those who could get up with the dawn. My grandfather was one of those people. As a child I would try to get up before him. I would rush to the living room, trying to be in his favorite chair before he woke up. It never happened. I was always second. He was always there before me reading his Bible and praying. Morning has just not been my time of the day.
The longer I have gone through chemotherapy the easier I have found it to get up with the sun. I still go to bed at the same time. I just cannot sleep as long. I find myself restless and tossing in the early morning. Sometimes I fight myself back to sleep. Other times there is something on my mind and I need to get up to write or read. That was my reality this morning. There was no fighting myself back to sleep today.
As I lay awake Nancy and I started to talk. I have long accused her of waking me out my peaceful morning slumbers. I think Nancy sometimes does this by merely looking at me until I am startled awake by the unnerving sense that she is staring at me. Over the past twenty six years she has denied my accusations. I have stopped “blaming” her and now chose to believe I am startled awake because I want to spend more time with her. My new thought, while having less to do with reality, is better for our marriage and makes her feel good. [Read more…]