cancer Archives

Background Noise

February 2, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 3 Comments

Background Noise

The other day I referred to my cancer as “background noise” as I went about the business of living life. A friend had asked how I was doing. There was concern for me, concern for Nancy as we stand ready to enter a new phase of this journey. My answer surprised them, it surprised me.

Throughout life I have come to recognize that I often do some of my best processing or learning on the fly. I will speak my truth in the midst of a conversation and find myself returning to the comment again and again. Over time I come to see that what was spoken “on the fly” revealed something much deeper about who I am or what I was thinking.

The past few days I have found myself returning to this idea that my cancer is nothing more than “background noise.” [Read more…]

COLONOSCOPY DAY

March 25, 2017 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 4 Comments

Friday was colonoscopy day.

Nancy takes such good care of me. I came home Thursday night to begin my prep work and she had made sure there was a brand new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. I cannot tell you how often I thought of Nancy’s generosity during my prep work. 🙂

Honestly the hardest part of the test was getting to the office by 8am. I had to be up at 1am to complete round two of my prep and got very little sleep. I am not normally a morning person. It was still dark out when Nancy and I left the house and headed off to the doctors.

The test was a breeze. Everyone was very nice and extremely helpful. I think I traumatized the poor nurse who came to set up my IV. He came by my bed and said, “so, you are having a colonoscopy today…that is smart.” Not sure how to reply I said, “I guess so.” “No, it really is. If they find something early they can treat it.” I chuckled. As our conversation continued I explained my story and that I already knew what my test results were going to show. He got very quiet and said good luck before heading off to the next patient.

What did it say?

As I woke up there was a nurse nearby. She came over and started talking. “Well, everything is normal.” Nancy was out in the waiting room, she is my second set of ears in these situations, so I could not look to her for clarification. Still groggy from the anesthesia I was convinced I had not heard her correctly. I asked her again, “What did it say?” She looked at me funny, as if to say why are you arguing with this result and said, “Normal, absolutely normal”.

By that time Nancy had made her way back and we sat there trying to figure out what this all meant. I had prepared myself to see the Cancer that has ravaged my body these past months and now was being told my colon looks normal. For months my oncologist and I had talked of potential blockages and what we would have to do when that happens. The nurse was telling me everything was normal. [Read more…]

TRANSFORMATIONS

June 15, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

I love my oncologist and the nurses and staff who are taking care of me. I awoke today and it was clear that I was feeling the effects of pushing a little too hard on Monday. I had not kept hydrated and my body was telling me things were not right. I went to church, completed a few small projects, had a great lunch with a good friend and then made a call to the doctors. They took me right in, gave me a bag of fluids and all of a sudden I was feeling a whole lot better. Making sure I stay hydrated is one big piece of my “new normal”. I always thought I did a good job at that…apparently not as good as I thought. One of the “transformations” over the past few weeks is that I have swapped my Dunkin Donuts cup for a water bottle.

Life will never be the same after hearing the words, “you have Cancer”. I am thankful for the “transformations” that have come along on this journey which are life giving and life affirming. Cancer has helped me slow down, celebrate what truly matters and not get distracted by “secondary things”. When I was first in the hospital I turned off the sound on my phone and would periodically check for messages and emails. As I left the hospital I was not ready to have the phone control my life as it had earlier…so the ringer stayed off. Over a month later and the ringer is still off. I do not get a notice with every text, email or Facebook update. People call, they leave a message, I call them back…it works wonderfully and I am not a “slave” to the beeps and rings of my phone. I am present for the conversation around the table, across the room or on the street. A simple change that has “transformed” the way I am in relationship with people I am present with. [Read more…]