Archives for January 2018

Buying Socks

January 29, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 4 Comments

“I’m going to buy socks.”

That was the answer to Dan’s question, “What are you going to do now?” We had just returned from the oncologist with the news that Dan would begin Chemo treatments again due to growth in his tumor. Dan was returning to work for the rest of the afternoon. Not me. I was buying socks.

“Why?” he responded.

“Because I need socks.” After 27 years of marriage, Dan takes my logic in stride. We parted our ways and I headed off to TJ Maxx. Shopping is not always wise during stress, but it was part of my plan. [Read more…]

PEACE

January 27, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

Why am I at Peace?

As I shared earlier, my last oncologist appointment was very clinical. It was emotionless. We talked facts. There was a reality to be addressed and options to choose from. The encounter lasted less than half an hour. Looking back I found myself wondering why I responded and acted in such a way. I was almost Spock like. “Yes Jim, the cancer is back. No reason to get emotional. Our options are pretty simple, which one do you want to choose? No reason to let emotions get in the way.” How could it be that I was so peaceful when I was facing another twenty four weeks of chemotherapy?

Questioning my Peace

Thursday morning I was in my office and that question still haunted me. Last time around my world was totally turned upside down. This time it just seemed routine, normal. As I slowly made myself push papers and do the work before me my mind kept returning to the question. What was different? How can you be so peaceful in the face of this? [Read more…]

A PLAN

January 24, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 4 Comments

God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good!

It was not a surprise. When the nurse called to arrange todays appointment she said, “Dr. Saroha wants to review your MRI results and talk treatment options.” Nothing we talked about today took me by surprise. Now we have a plan.

MRI results

My MRI shows a “normal size liver with twenty metastases.” The good news is that back in 2016 when this journey started my liver was “enlarged with innumerable metastases.” We are making progress. The not so good news is that there are signs of active cancer in multiple metastases. One spot in particular has “grown significantly.” Not the best news, not the worst news.

Expectations

Realistically we are right about where my oncologist expected us to be. When he decided it was time for me to take a break from chemo I asked, “How long will this break last?” He told me to expect a break that lasted anywhere from a few weeks to a year. I was blessed with a little more than a full year chemo free. Things are progressing pretty much according to his expectations.

Listening to Dr. Saroha and making plans everything seemed so matter of fact. I remember the last time we were making these plans. There was anxiety, fear, a sense of the world spinning totally out of control. Today it felt calculated, matter of fact, almost emotionless as we were objectively planning the best way to attack this illness alive inside me.

Nancy and I know what to expect. Fridays will mean blood work and an oncologist appointment. The following Monday will mean chemo all morning long. Tuesday and Wednesday of that week I will feel weak and tired. Thursday morning I will begin to feel more like myself. Pace yourself, recover, repeat twelve times. [Read more…]

Silent Tears

January 22, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 5 Comments

My Piece is Done

When I last saw my oncologist he had a plan. I was to get an MRI. He was to talk with a radiologist. We were to meet again in three weeks. My sense was that he thought it would take me a few weeks to get the MRI. Nancy is a pretty good scheduler of my appointments. We left the oncologists on Friday and I was set to have the MRI on Monday. Monday afternoon came and I got my MRI as instructed.

Impatient

A few days after my MRI I started to get impatient. My “work” was done. If Dr. Saroha was ready to meet and discuss the future I saw no reason to wait. I called the office and told the nurse, “If Dr. Saoha is ready I am all set to meet sooner than three weeks.” The next day scheduling called to change my appointment. “Dr. Saroha would like to meet with you to review your MRI and talk treatment options.”

We moved my appointment to this Wednesday afternoon. There is no use waiting.

I still feel good. My energy level is okay. I get tired but nothing like when I was first diagnosed. This appointment will be interesting.

As we have traveled this journey Nancy has taken opportunities to share her piece of the experience. Every now and then I will get an email from her with the subject line “something I wrote”. I have to be in the right frame of mind to read it. I know it will capture the heart of this journey in vivid and real ways. Her latest offering is no different. I share it with you here.

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[Read more…]

MARKERS

January 14, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

The signs were there. Markers of what was. Easily ignored when viewed alone, but built one upon the other they served as markers that a new season was about to begin.

MARKERS

Walking up the hill to the local coffee shop I was out of breath. This felt familiar. “Stop being paranoid, you are simply overweight.” The truth is I have not really exercised in over a year. My trips to the gym cut short because of the neuropathy. I am at the upper end of my normal weight fluctuation. Any time I have found myself near this weight life has not been easy. It has served as a reminder to change habits and get myself back into shape. Start the diet. 10,000 steps per day is the goal.

CAT Scan is complete. The normally emotionless nurse who administers the test places her hand on my shoulder and says, “You be well now.” There was tenderness and caring in her voice, her touch, in the entire interaction. It caught me off guard. I have talked with Nancy about her. I have shared about how she is all business, kind of robotic as she goes about her job. This was different. “Stop imagining things.” “Maybe her boss has started to help her get better with patient interactions.” [Read more…]

JONAH

January 13, 2018 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Growing up as a child I loved the story of Jonah and the “whale”. What young boy did not get excited about the idea of a man swallowed by a “whale” and living to tell the tale. It sounded so exciting and like the kind of adventure you read about in the story books.

As I grew up I learned there were many lessons found within the four short chapters of Jonah. Lessons that helped me understand my relationship with God, the way I look at life, and how I move towards others. For the next four weeks we will be exploring the story of Jonah and the big fish.

The book of Jonah deals with core issues such as forgiveness and grace. It helps explore those things which motivate us, those things which move us to action. I hope you can join us for the next few weeks as together we learn some of the lessons found within this great piece of scripture.

Service begins at 11:00, there is a fellowship lunch immediately following worship service.