Archives for October 2020

The Plans of Man

October 29, 2020 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Not long ago, I shared my plans for future treatments. This week has me reflecting on some wisdom from Proverbs; “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

I Like a Plan

I always do better when we have a plan. My spirit relaxes, and I can get about the business of crossing items off a to-do list. It does not matter if we are talking ministry, household project, or my next cancer treatment; having a plan is good.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Plans Disrupted

Friday morning (October 23), I met with Dr. Saroha to draw blood in preparation for my first chemo treatment. We were all set to start on Monday morning.

Later in the day, I got the call. My liver numbers were elevated, chemotherapy was off. Instead, we needed to schedule an ERCP to clean out the stents in my liver. These high numbers are residual effects from the damage caused by the pump I had removed a few days earlier.

New Plan

We scheduled an ERCP for Tuesday, October 27th. A fairly simple, straightforward procedure that should get my liver numbers back where they should be.

Early Tuesday morning, the phone rang. Dr. Attalla was on the line. She had reviewed my images. In her opinion, the ERCP would not do anything to help my situation. The procedure was canceled. She was committed to finding a solution so I could resume chemotherapy but did not have any answers at that time. [Read more…]

Removed

October 21, 2020 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 3 Comments

Removed

Friday, October 16^th I underwent surgery to have my hepatic artery infusion pump removed. During the surgery, Nancy was writing.

We stopped using the pump back in March. I experienced some of the rare side effects that do significant damage to your liver. Go figure.

The pump was never going to be used to treat my cancer. It was not very pleasant, required trips to Philadelphia for servicing, and meant I could not have an MRI.

An MRI provides the most precise picture of what is going on inside my liver. Clearer pictures equal better decisions regarding treatment moving forward. It was time for the pump to go.

The surgery was quick. After a few hours in the recovery room, I was on my way home.

My recovery has been relatively simple and straightforward. A few days of rest, and I am feeling much better. I am taking more naps these days. It is a sign that my cancer is growing. Some people say it is a sign I am getting older. While that may be true, I have learned to understand my body pretty well. Lower energy, more naps, something is not quite right in the liver.

I visit Dr. Saroha on Friday. We will make final plans, and then round four of chemotherapy starts on Monday.

That is where I am—enough about me.

During my surgery Nancy spent some time writing. She permitted me to share it with you here.

What is Strength?

What is strength?

My husband has cancer. Life is hard.

People call me strong. I don’t feel strong.

I feel empty.

But conversations with friends and shared stories begin to fill the void.

I lack words.

But then I sit next to him quietly. Together, in silence, we can recharge.

I feel helpless.

But we can rely on the wisdom of the doctors to know how to proceed.

I see darkness ahead.

But then we spend precious time together, and I begin to embrace hope.

I feel torn.

But then I take a breath and do the best I can for all those who need me at this moment.

I grieve loss.

But then I remember that the present is here. We can make the most of now.

I feel frustration.

But then I accept people for who they are and the limitations of their emotions.

I accept truth.

And live with faith in gratitude for the blessings we have had.

I feel empathy.

And share with others going through similar pain.

I give myself.

And approach each day of this journey as one I will not regret.

I feel joy.

And know that our love will not end but morph into an everlasting bond.

I stay here.

And hold his hand and his heart. And am glad that he “can’t do this without me.”

What is strength?

I am not sure. And please stop telling me I have it. But I will keep aiming high.

©Nancy Nicewonger 2020

Not My First Rodeo

October 14, 2020 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 3 Comments

This past week words from years ago, words meant to tear me down were transformed. They echoed through the years and brought me strength and encouragement. “This is not my first rodeo” was seared into my vocabulary while working one of my non-ministry jobs.

The Disruption

I happened to be working in the control room when we had a “disruption.” The department I worked in was being held responsible for shutting down the plant. Pressures had swung, valves closed, equipment shut down, a whole section of the plant was silent. The loss would end up being calculated in the hundreds of thousands of dollars’ once it was all over.

During the fallout from the “disruption,” my supervisor’s boss walked into the control room and bellowed, “Can anyone tell me what happened here?”

Fools Rush In

Rather than be still, I was foolish enough to volunteer.

What I had witnessed and what happened did not fit the narrative he was seeking to create. I was dismissed out of hand.

A few minutes later, I invited this man to view more evidence that my theory was correct. He listened for about thirty seconds, then puffed out his chest and shouted, “This is not my first rodeo!” [Read more…]