Gaining Today

March 12, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com

I often wrestle with the ways that cancer has changed my life, yet it’s often intermingled with gratitude.

One source of gratitude has been the people I have met along this journey.

A few years ago I was introduced to Chris Lawrence and Hope Has Arrived. Chris’ cancer journey began in the spring of 2016, right about the same time as mine. He has an amazing story of recovery and healing, which by themselves are a source of hope and encouragement.

In 2018 Chris launched Hope Has Arrived to help those on a cancer journey find hope, strength, and peace.

Our purpose is to help survivors—and their families—find hope, strength and peace in their fight against cancer. We want them to find medical hope and especially spiritual hope, a type which can never be defeated. Our desire is to empower them to live a life overflowing with hope—not just a trickle, but springing forth like an artesian well from the deepest parts of who they are.

Every now and then Chris asks me to write something for their blog. It is always an honor to offer some words of hope. We all have our struggles. Yours are different than mine. Sometimes we need to stop mourning the loss of dreams from years past to gain the gift of today.

You can find my latest post at Hope Has Arrived here: Losing Dreams, Yet Gaining Today

If you, or someone you know, is struggling with cancer Hope Has Arrived has a fantastic Facebook prayer and support group. This is the perfect place for cancer patients or caregivers to find a community of support and encouragement.

It’s not about me

March 3, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Years ago, I learned that it’s not about me when living in a community. The lesson has followed me throughout my life.

Decades ago, someone taught me a lesson about living in a community that has followed me throughout my life. The strange thing is they were not trying to teach me anything. They were remaining true to themselves and speaking and acting as they would in any situation.

A Conversation Killer

In our late twenties, Nancy and I arrived at Memorial Baptist Church (now Church of the Redeemer) in Cortland, New York. Joseph was only a few months old. I was fresh out of seminary. To say that our world was in transition would be something of an understatement.

Memorial Baptist was a smaller-sized congregation. Calling me to serve as the youth pastor was a huge step for them. During the interview process, we discussed the reality that there was enough money in the bank to pay my salary for one year. After that was gone, only God knew what would happen.

As I met the people who worshipped at Memorial, I met Don Perry and his wife, Janie. One morning following service, I talked with Don, and I mentioned how it was such a step of faith for the church to hire a youth pastor. There was such an opportunity. Don was quiet a moment and then said, I voted against that.

It was a conversation killer. [Read more…]

Driving Dan’s Truck

January 23, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Nancy’s Caregiver Journal

Being a caregiver is not always about the big circumstances of life but around issues like transportation. Dan was in the hospital in Philadelphia which is an hour away from our home. My car was scheduled to go into the garage because it had been leaking transmission fluid. Plan B involved driving Dan’s truck back and forth to the hospital. And therein was the new lesson I learned.

You can view all Nancy’s videos by visiting the playlist, Nancy’s Caregiver Journal.

Reviving Memories

January 4, 2022 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

How am I filling my retirement time? I am restoring a worn-out wheelbarrow and reviving memories.

Once I completed organizing my study, it was time to head to the garage. Our garage is the cleanest and most organized I have ever seen it.

The Wheelbarrow

During that process, I came across my father’s wheelbarrow.

When we lived in New Baltimore, NY, this was in constant use. Whether hauling firewood, picking rocks from the garden, mixing cement, cleaning out chicken coops, there was hardly a day the wheelbarrow sat still. The wheelbarrow was used to plant and care for the trees I shared about in this post from 2016.

This was not one of those new, lightweight, breaking within the first month kind of wheelbarrows. Instead, the tray was made of steel and could handle anything you threw at it. The only downside was the thing was a beast even before you added anything to it.

Restored

When dad moved into a retirement community, I already had a wheelbarrow. Still, this thing held way too many memories to send off to the dump. It sat beside the house, one of those projects I would get to one day.

One afternoon I started taking it apart. In the end, I replaced a few parts, cleaned everything up, and gave it a good paint job.

Reviving Memories

Nobody in our house was willing to use it. They were afraid to be the first person to put a scratch on it. [At least that is why they told me they were unwilling to use it]

On one of my visits to see dad, I pulled out pictures of his restored wheelbarrow. He often struggles to remember things from the past. But, one look and he knew exactly what he was seeing. A huge smile came over his face. Then, he started talking about the property in New Baltimore and all the projects he completed using that wheelbarrow.

What am I doing in retirement?

I am restoring a worn-out wheelbarrow and reviving memories.

Wisdom for my Pandemic Weary Soul

December 31, 2021 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

My spirit is near exhaustion. Every fiber of my pandemic weary soul craves wisdom. I am not alone when declaring these past two years one of the most challenging seasons in recent history. There are teams of scientists, doctors, nurses, and leaders around the globe working tirelessly to find answers and solutions to the COVID crisis. While they struggle to mitigate the effects of a worldwide pandemic, ordinary people like you and I are left to navigate the emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual realities of this strange world. A few weeks ago, I stumbled across wisdom from long ago that has helped me think about this season in a healthier way.

Nothing New

The writer of Ecclesiastes declares, “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) I can hear the howls of protest. COVID is new! The world has never seen anything like this before. The isolation, masks, fighting about how best to navigate this season, all of this is new. What we really mean is that it is new to me. Taken to a deeper level, we are saying that this is the first time my life has been impacted by anything like this.

Any serious look at history reveals that pandemics and all that comes with them are not new. “What has been will be again; there is nothing new under the sun.” What makes COVID unique is that you and I are alive to experience it. We are the ones struggling to navigate a world in chaos.

As I read through the history of pandemics, one thing becomes apparent. As hard as the past few years have been, I would rather navigate this COVID season than the bubonic plague of 1350, the “Spanish Flu” of 1918, or any other recorded pandemic in history. The tools that science and technology provide us mean that we can travel this journey with relative ease compared to past pandemics. Part of remaining emotionally and spiritually healthy during trying times is working to stay grateful. Practicing “gratitude” helps us travel difficult times with a spirit of peace and joy. I am thankful for lessons learned from past pandemics and the technology that allows us to remain connected (ZOOM and such) while protecting each other from disease.

Good Old Days

As the reality of COVID started to become real, and we entered a season of shutdown and isolation, people began to express a longing of their hearts. I can’t wait until things return to the way they were before COVID. I heard that sentiment expressed in various ways as the months dragged on. Sometimes spoken with a sense of urgency, we have to return to the way things were or what was will fall apart. Often conveying hurt and loss, I miss the opportunity to gather as we did before COVID; it feels like we are missing something important. No matter how it was expressed, we were/are mourning something that was. As months turned into years, we began to speak some of those same thoughts with a spirit of defeat and resignation. I don’t believe things will ever return to normal. We have lost our pre-COVID life forever.

The writer of Ecclesiastes speaks to these feelings.

Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions. (Ecclesiastes 7:10)

How many times have we tried to return to something from our past only to find it did not hold the power, joy, glory with which we remembered it? Time moves on. People change, places are transformed, the good old days largely exist in romanticized dreams of our minds. [Read more…]

Like A Child

July 20, 2021 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Sunday, July 18th we celebrated 20 years of JAM Daycare.

My sermon was based upon Matthew 18:1-5.

In this passage, the disciples come to Jesus with can best be described as an “adult” issue.

Jesus helps refocus their energy and encourages us to look at the world through the eyes of a child.

I Understand

June 29, 2021 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

sympathy, empathy Expressing sympathy or empathy is not always easy. It demands we put ourselves aside to truly hear and feel the experience of another.

Many of us within the “caring fields” [doctors, nurses, counselors, social workers, pastors] are taught to reflect back the thoughts of those we are speaking with. We are encouraged to use phrases like, I understand, I hear what you are saying.

The goal is to express sympathy or empathy with the one you are speaking with.

Sympathy vs Empathy

The “sym” in sympathy means “together” or “at the same time.” We can be sympathetic when we have experienced the same, or similar pain that someone is walking through.

I am able to be sympathetic when I can recall how a similar experience in my own life made me feel. Without a shared experience it is impossible for me to be sympathetic.

Empathy is expressed when we can imagine how someone might feel without actually experiencing the emotions or situation that is causing them pain.

We move closer to empathy when we learn to “put ourselves in another person’s shoes.”

Sympathy is sharing. Empathy is understanding.

A problem arises when we try to be sympathetic when we really should be seeking to express empathy. Without shared experience, it is easy for our words [I understand, I hear what you are saying] to come across as hollow, empty, even demeaning.

A Return to HUP

Thursday night I ended up back in the hospital.

Over the past few years, I have learned how to watch my body pretty well. I know the signs when things are not right.

Thursday evening I was vomiting, my urine was dark, stool light, I was running a fever, had the chills, and I could have slept all the time. As if that was not enough the bloodwork from Wednesday was back and all my liver numbers were trending in the wrong direction. My bilirubin, AST, ALT, and Alkaline Phosphate were climbing. It was like the perfect storm of indicators that something was not right.

Arriving at the hospital I carefully outlined why I was there and tried to help the team of doctors understand my cause for concern.