Daniel Nicewonger - Spiritual Formation Catalyst

WHERE’S WALDO

August 13, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

Whereswaldo.1987 In the late 1980’s a new craze was unleashed upon popular culture. Children and adults alike started spending hours pouring over books filled with crowded pictures looking for Waldo. Waldo was a strange looking man with a unique red and white striped shirt and blue pants. Waldo was not often easy to find. You could spend lots of time looking at these crowded pictures and still not locate Waldo. All of this led to people asking time and time again, “Where’s Waldo?”

WHERE’S DAN?

A couple of you have asked a similar question recently, “Where’s Dan?” Why haven’t we heard anything from the blog? Does silence mean things are bad and you are not feeling up to writing? The truth is that I have been extremely busy the past few days and I have not taken the time to post anything. I have spent time in the office planning for the fall and beyond. Last week was filled with meetings talking about life, spirituality, and how we move in the midst of what are sometimes extremely difficult and hard situations. Last week was a good week. It was the first time I really felt like myself in a very long time. I was still very tired at the end of every day. I often needed a nap in the middle of the day. I missed a very important time of worship on Wednesday night because my body was screaming at me to stop and be still (I listened and went home when I really wanted to stay and be with those who do such a great job of leading us into the presence of God). Looking back I think the most exciting thing is that I did not feel like I was held hostage by “chemo brain” this past week. While I am not sure “chemo brain” is an official and formal medical term it is (in my humble opinion) a very real thing. Just as my body moves in slower and more deliberate ways my mind has not been as sharp. Remembering names, appointments, tasks that need to be accomplished have all taken a lot more effort than normal. Reading, something I used to enjoy, has become a chore. I have to really focus on what I am reading and there are times I have to read a paragraph two or three times to catch the authors point. This past week it felt as if “chemo brain” was releasing its grip on my mind. I am not sure that is reality, it was just how I experienced last week…and for that I praise God and am extremely thankful. [Read more…]

AWAKING NOT OKAY

August 6, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 4 Comments

My “Big Stick” given to me by my friend Rick. I have used it often and now when I have trouble moving around I grab it to help steady myself.

Awaking Not Okay

I have never been a morning person. Waking in the morning has been hard for me. I have enjoyed my morning sleep, it has been some of the most restful and peaceful time of my life. I have always been envious of those who could get up with the dawn. My grandfather was one of those people. As a child I would try to get up before him. I would rush to the living room, trying to be in his favorite chair before he woke up. It never happened. I was always second. He was always there before me reading his Bible and praying. Morning has just not been my time of the day.

The longer I have gone through chemotherapy the easier I have found it to get up with the sun. I still go to bed at the same time. I just cannot sleep as long. I find myself restless and tossing in the early morning. Sometimes I fight myself back to sleep. Other times there is something on my mind and I need to get up to write or read. That was my reality this morning. There was no fighting myself back to sleep today.

As I lay awake Nancy and I started to talk. I have long accused her of waking me out my peaceful morning slumbers. I think Nancy sometimes does this by merely looking at me until I am startled awake by the unnerving sense that she is staring at me. Over the past twenty six years she has denied my accusations. I have stopped “blaming” her and now chose to believe I am startled awake because I want to spend more time with her. My new thought, while having less to do with reality, is better for our marriage and makes her feel good. [Read more…]

COUNTING BACKWARDS

August 1, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

owen2 Today we begin counting backwards. I have slowly been counting up to six treatments. Now I get to start counting down as we move towards my twelfth and final initial treatment.

There was a discussion in my home last night. Can I, can dad, can Dan drive himself to and from treatment? There were two people in my household who were very strong advocates of taking away my freedom and right to drive. The truth is that if they were the ones sharing this story they would say they were strong advocates of caring for me and looking out for my health and well being. In the end I saw the care and compassion in their motives. I allowed Rayann to drive me to treatment this morning. She is a much more confident and capable driver than she was just a few short months ago. I enjoyed sitting in the passenger seat, eating my bagel and watching the world go by.

I was relaxing so much that I almost missed the fact that we were no longer headed toward the oncologists. Rayann has taken me to appointments before. I had just assumed she knew where she was going. When I raised an objection and questioned where we were headed she said, “Well, this is the way to the Vets.” “To the Vets!” “I am on my way to get chemo and you think it is a good idea to bypass my oncologist and take me to Owen’s doctor?”

We both started laughing and she quickly changed course and got me where I needed to be.

Rayann dropped me at the door and was off to enjoy her day while I went in to my appointment. As I was checking in I shared my mornings experience with some of the staff in the office. They got a good laugh and soon it was time for my chemo to begin. A short while later I realized I forgot my sweatshirt. I get cold as they give me chemo. Rayann was kind enough to go get it for me…even though I may be a little “needy” these days. As she came into the office to drop off my sweater the staff encouraged her to bring me here and NOT to the Vets for future appointments! That could not have worked any better if I had planned it.

As Rayann came back into the chemo delivery room she was still laughing. “I can’t believe you told them.” Life may not be easy right now…but you can still find things to celebrate and smile about.

May I always be able to see the good and smile no matter what the future holds.

ALWAYS GOOD

August 1, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

canstockphoto5122750 God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good…God is Always Good!

Saturday was Family Fun Day at First Baptist Church of Kennett Square. Plans had been made, publicity was sent to the public, church family, VBS participants and JAM daycare families. Food had been purchased. We had arranged for a mini zoo complete with pony and horse rides. Our praise team was set up and ready to play. The bounce house was all set and ready to go. Everything was in place for a great day of Family Fun…and then it rained…and then it poured. When I say it poured I mean it turned the parking lot into a river and the street below looked like a raging river. What was amazing to watch was that nobody complained. People adjusted plans and went about having a great time in a slightly different way. At one point I was giving some of the children rides up and down the sanctuary aisle on a hand truck. Listening to the laughter and looking at the smiles you would have thought they were in the bounce house or riding a pony across the church lawn.

The weather may not have been what any of us would have chosen if something like the weather was within our control…but we had a great day.

God is Good All the Time…All the Time God is Good [Read more…]

Familiar

July 31, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

lords-prayer-300x232 Sometimes we become so familiar with someone we begin to take them for granted…we lose sight of how special they truly are. Then something happens and our eyes are opened, we see anew and afresh the truth of what is before us and we appreciate them in new and deep ways.

I think the same thing can happen in our spiritual lives. We have routines, we take things for granted and they lose some of the power and uniqueness within them. Every weekend millions of people around the globe gather for worship and recite The Lord’s Prayer. For many it is a deeply meaningful and important moment in worship. For some it becomes routine and we lose sight of what we are truly praying and the depth of what we are calling upon God to accomplish in our midst. [Read more…]

LIFE, DEATH & REAL LIVING

July 30, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

canstockphoto10666324 So this may be a little deep for a Saturday afternoon. I own that. I won’t apologize for it…but I will own it. I have been wrestling with some thoughts the past few weeks that have really had me thinking. Thinking about life and how we go about living it. Often when a preacher preaches people in the pews (or web), can feel as if they are being preached AT. Please know that as I write I am speaking to myself, trying to put together the reality of my life experience and maybe, just maybe there are truths that apply to others.

I have come to believe that in order to live, to truly live, to live the life that Jesus describes as “life to the full” two things are essential. First and foremost we must make peace with God, with the spiritual side of who we are. There is no denying the reality that deep within all humanity there is a piece of who we are which is seeking to know, understand and be understood by something, someone greater than we are. Creator and creation learning to live in relationship with each other as we journey through life. Deep calling to deep in the stillness of the night as we ask, “Is this all there is or is there something more to life?”

It was a Saturday afternoon. There were about forty college students gathered in a large room as we worked together preparing for Spring Break Service Projects. The leaders had many of those group activities planned which make my skin crawl…the kind which as soon as they start I feel as if I need to use the restroom or take an emergency phone call. I behaved this time. We all stood in the center of the room and the leader would give us two choices, and we would have to go to the side of the room which represented us. Liberal, Conservative. Favorite color is Blue or Green. We had to make a choice…no middle ground. It started off goofy and then got serious. “I am Religious, I am not Religious.” The vast majority of the people stood on the “not Religious” side. A few more goofy choices to make and then, “I am Spiritual, I am not Spiritual.” The entire room stood on the “I am Spiritual” side.

There was no denying the reality that this group who rejected the label of “Religious” recognized the reality that deep within they were Spiritual beings. I heard little of what went on the rest of the day. Believing we are spiritual beings the challenge then becomes, “how do we help people encounter God in the midst of their everyday lives!” I have watched and listened much from that day years ago. I believe that most people can and will agree that there is a spiritual side to their humanity. One of the keys to living, to truly living, is learning how to listen to the still small voice of the Spirit as He seeks to speak to the spiritual core of who we are. [Read more…]

124 to 3.9!

July 29, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 8 Comments

Today I had my normal oncologist appointment.

I have been tired the past two weeks. I did not “bounce back” like I have in the past once my chemo pump was removed. The theme of this round has been naps and moving at a slower pace.

On a positive note I did get to the gym twice. I do not do a lot. My max weight is certainly a lot less than what it once was…but it is good to exercise. At one point I was working with my trainer and she said, “ok, let’s go to the leg machine”…she was off, heading to the machine and I shuffled behind. As she got further ahead, leaving me in the distance I started to laugh out loud. I am sure it seemed odd to all those who were working hard on their exercise bikes but it was funny to me that I could not even keep up with my trainer as we walked across the room.

As I met with my oncologist we talked numbers again. At the start of this journey my CARCINOEMBRYONIC ANTIGEN (CEA) blood work results were at 124. In June the number had dropped to 37.4. My most recent test numbers came in at 3.9! “The CEA test measures the amount of this protein that may appear in the blood of some people who have certain kinds of cancers, especially cancer of the large intestine (colon and rectal cancer).” What does this mean? Well my oncologist put it this way, “this is the best result we could have hoped for.” Then he smiled. [Read more…]

CHEMO ROUND 6

July 24, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 2 Comments

canstockphoto3819905 Monday was Chemo Round 6. It is hard to believe that this journey began twelve weeks ago…time is moving quickly. I have handled the chemo very well so far and am grateful for that. I have been able to do much of what I want and have learned how to pace myself and pay attention to my body in new and different ways. In an odd kind of way chemo has been a nuisance which I have learned to live with.

When I go in on Mondays I get about three hours worth of different chemo drugs. My oncologist has changed some of the way I receive the drugs and it has limited and in some cases eliminated the side effects I struggled with the first few rounds. At the end of my treatment they set me up with a pump that continues to give me chemo for thirty six to forty eight hours. I carry the pump everywhere I go and it continually runs giving me the additional treatments. A nurse comes to my home on Wednesday and “sets me free” from the pump and gets me all set for a week and a half chemo free. In past chemo rounds I have felt a burst of energy as soon as the pump comes off and I have felt better each and every day after that. It was almost like there was nothing wrong once they took the pump off and I slowly regained strength and energy each day. [Read more…]

RECONCILIATION COSTS

July 19, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com Leave a Comment

Rembrandt’s “Return of the Prodigal” showing his interpretation of the Father’s reconciliation with his son.

It is no secret that many of the relationships in our world today are in desperate need of reconciliation. We have all heard the saying, “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” If reconciliation is to occur there will be a cost…someone will have to pay to make it a reality. Reconciliation costs, but what will it cost, and are we willing to pay?

I have found myself thinking about such things for the past week. A friend of mine was writing about the current turmoil in our world and he used the phrase, “the cost of reconciliation” and God seared that phrase in my mind. I found myself thinking, wrestling with it while I was sitting still, driving to an appointment, or working around the house. It captured my soul and would not let me go.

What is the cost of Reconciliation?

First, in order for Reconciliation to be necessary a wrong has been committed and a relationship has been damaged or severed. We all have experienced this at some point in our lives. Words are spoken, actions taken and suddenly a relationship that was once healthy and life giving lies damaged in desperate need of repair. Too often the parties begin to dig in, hold to their opinions or version of events and what might have been a minor issue becomes a major divide. When we are hurting in the midst of situations like this it is not unusual for us to respond in two ways…

We shut down, close off and refuse to talk about the issue with anyone…especially the other party. Reconciliation is impossible because communication is blocked.

Sometimes we are open to reconciliation, but we demand the other party take the first step. We sit in our home, cubicle, classroom (you name it) and boldly declare, “I will reconcile when they come to me and apologize”.

We have all been there. Unfortunately the reality of damaged relationships is part of our human experience. [Read more…]

HAPPY 48TH

July 18, 2016 By dnicewonger@gmail.com 1 Comment

Chemo treatment on my 48th birthday

Today is the day I turn 48 years old! Happy 48th birthday to me. I am sitting at the Abramson Cancer Center as I get my sixth round of Chemotherapy. I am sitting here listening to the rhythm of the pump as it pushes the first part of my treatment into my body. If you had asked me last year, even six months ago, if this is how I would be celebrating my 48th…well this was nowhere on my radar. It is a surreal feeling. This is my sixth treatment and once completed I will be halfway through my first round of treatment. The plan is to complete twelve rounds of Chemo and then make plans based upon how I am responding to the treatment. If all goes well, and it is so far, I should reach twelve rounds by October. There is a chance I could be Chemo free for Thanksgiving and Christmas…you have no idea how much that possibility excites me.

[Read more…]